Dangers of the Inner DJ
by Jeremy Ashton

                 Many people have an "inner DJ". It plays songs, or pieces of songs, in their heads. Some suffer due to having no inner channel changer. Unwanted songs stick in their heads. This may be happening to you this moment.
                 Some synaptic connection broke in my head, because mine will no longer play anything popular after 1963. I've enjoyed music even up to the 80s and 90s, but it makes no difference; my inner DJ has over-ruled this.
                 My fear is this: it may extend to my inner TV station and beyond. In fact, without intervention, I may wind up stuck in an episode of the Andy Griffith Show (Mayberry). The fact that Mayberry never really existed cannot restrain the ravages of this medical condition. At some level, the brain cannot distinguish the inner and outer worlds.
                 Likely, some of those DJs from that era are stuck there in Mayberry and causing this problem. They keep playing "Happy Birthday Sweet 16" by Neil Sedaka, until the government finds a way to send a team there to extract them and transfer them to a show with a little more variety. However, as yet it is too difficult to decode the lyrics of Sedaka's song to the point where you can find that kind of cry for help in it; besides, who would bother?
                 Warning: if you don't know this song, don't find it on YouTube and play it. You may think you are being drawn into the rescue effort - but you more likely will need rescue yourself, especially if you find yourself unwittingly liking the song. If you already know the song, it may be too late. I apologize for having planted this thought.
                 Or, it might be the case that the year 1962 has not really ended. Most years wind up pretty neatly; they summarize it, have the new year, and it's done. If only a little of December 1962 leaked into January 1963, that would do it. It's easy to see how it happened. Slurred lyrics in Paul & Paula's 1962 song covered its real message-

                 Hey hey Paula, I wanna marry you.
                 Hey hey Paula, sixty - two's never through,
                 I've waited so long, the year to be through,
                 The year will never be new,

                 My love, my love.

                 ~ which unconsciously entered and warped the time stream. Eventually, pre-1963 music will irreversibly overwhelm all subsequent music. Automobile models and TV shows will inevitably follow. Who would have guessed that the future is the past. Start wearing stupid shirts and ties as soon as possible. Actually, it won't be so bad. There could be lots to do in an eternal 1962. Elvis is alive that year. Kennedy, too. You will eventually forget your inchoate aching for Jimi Hendrix or the Smashing Pumpkins. Besides, drinking and smoking were quite "in" and OK that year. And if you drink enough you won't notice there are only seven tasteless brands of beer.